What are you willing to receive? This was the big question in chapter 2 of Simone Milasas’ book, The Joy of Business.
Welcome to The Joy of Business book review with fellow MultiPod Anette Stjarnhjarta. Where we flesh out some interesting details and home truths through self inquiry. To provide answers and guide us towards living a more joyous life, personally and professionally.
However, coming up with an answer to what we were willing to receive proved to be a challenge. MPM and Anette uncovered uncomfortable feelings around debt, reciprocity, money, cultural and religious beliefs, and self worth. All learned in childhood.
Like many us we have never been taught to receive, only to give. This was true of Anette raised in a conservative, Christian household in her native Sweden. “It’s valued that you give, give, give. And be of service to others”, Anette explained.
Anette’s Mother would never allow herself to receive anything. Gifts made her feel uncomfortable. And if she did accept one, she would say it was too much and immediately find something to give back. Unfortunately, Anette adopted the same perspective. Receiving a gift was something awful, ugly, and a bad thing!
Simone Milasas experienced the lesson in how to receive meeting Gary Douglas, founder of Access Consciousness. At the time she was grief
According to psiloveyou.xyz, transactional love is something we have been taught to settle for in a relationship with friends, lovers, and family. The most common form of love is “you solve my need, I solve yours.” And there isn’t anything wrong with that. Because “reciprocity has been the case of human cooperation for the past 200,000 years.” But it may explain why we feel uneasy about receiving a gift outside of social norms.
Expectation of Reciprocation
However, the expectation of reciprocity was part of MPM’s upbringing in a transactional love household. Gifts and favours were bartered. Deals were sealed with the promise of reciprocity. This transactional exchange with her family was stressful growing up. MPM looked as gifts as a debt. And before accepting anything, MPM would always ask, “What do I have to do in exchange?”
But, MPM knew that giving unto others is how we connect. And cutting off that exchange is unhealthy. Looking back, MPM feels she cheated herself out of receiving. And out of opportunities to appreciate gifts from people who happily gave them for the sake of giving. “If you don’t know how to receive then that joy of receiving has been corrupted for the receiver and the giver”, MPM added.
Appreciation is lost!
Anette’s upbringing also tried to eliminate her ability to appreciate gifts. And the urgency to reciprocate. But, she too became aware of the huge disconnect that arises with the giver when she isn’t willing to receive.
As a result, not knowing how to receive becomes like taking. Therein the giver is deprived of the joy of giving and feels devalued in the process. For example, “I give you something and you refuse to receive it. I feel very, very uncomfortable. Now we are two uncomfortable people”, Anette explained.
Utilizing your awareness of uncomfortable feelings that arise around unworthiness. It’s a starting point to changing your “story” or “programming” conditioned by parents and caregivers. “The devil is just trying to seduce you!” Anette’s Mother would say when Anette “opposed” the teachings of her faith. Or when she “stepped outside” the accepted societal norms.
Her Mother’s skewed and narrow minded thinking affected Anette’s relationships with men. She felt uncomfortable to receive from them. And thought it dangerous to accept anything from a man because it made her feel like they owned her. Anette’s inability to know her worth kept any healthy relationships at bay.
In high school she refused her first boyfriend’s gift of flowers. “Take them back!”, she ordered. She also found it hard to get close to her first husband. And believes her childhood programming contributed to the breakdown of the marriage.
However, Anette’s relationship with her second husband is totally different. He derives much joy from giving her gifts. But it was hard to accept his generosity in the beginning. And he took her refusal of gifts as very strange. “American women happily not everyone but most accept everything” from a man. Anette explained of her experience living in Virginia.
But, in Swedish culture “it is all about equality”,Anette said. It was customary on a date that she pay half. “Everything was equal!” Anette was taught to be self sufficient and to never rely on a man. But, Anette’s husband loves to provide. “Don’t you understand that it makes me happy to provide for you!”, he told her.
A lot has changed since they married. “It really changes the game when a woman is not willing to receive. Men are looking for a woman who can receive. It’s not about losing power or about being weak or strong”, Anette stated. Not being able to receive “separates you from being close to anyone.” Now she feels lucky. “What a gift he has given to me!”, she said.
Receiving Ourselves as a Gift
MPM never thought of receiving herself as a gift. Until Anette broached the subject. And MPM has been awakened to all possibilities since reading, The Joy of Business. She can create when open to accepting herself. And appreciating each moment, even the bad ones. They too keep MPM grounded and less distracted. And, prioritizing helps MPM live in the moment.
Also, Anette finds it difficult to accept herself fully. And if she’ll be perceived as too outrageous. Anette admits she checks direction from others before she shows any more of herself. “If I would receive myself fully I wouldn’t be cautious of what I say. And if I would just receive myself I would be comfortable being me in every situation”, Anette shared.
And, therein lies the rub, opening yourself up to receive and exposing yourself to things beyond your control. Simone states in The Joy of Business, “there is a huge sense of vulnerability involved in receiving including the greatness in each one of us be.”
With this understanding, Simone surrendered to receiving. Enjoying good fortune and most importantly learning from the curve balls life tends to throw. With Simone open to receiving she became open to giving and supplying the tools for others to receive. Resulting in a free-flowing exchange of energy that led to more successful, positive, and reciprocal relationships.
“The world looks very different when you are open to receiving.”
Willingness to receive
MPM didn’t realize her inability to ask for help affected her ability to receive. She felt the need to prove herself. Fierce independence became the wall that hid MPM’s vulnerability. But cut herself off from receiving.
Anette explained, “The willingness to receive is immensely profound to you and to the success of your business. It affects your ability to perceive, to know and even to be. For example writing a blog post requires the willingness to receive information. If you are not able to perceive, you won’t be able to receive what is possible beyond your limitations and limited view points”, she finished.
“If you can’t perceive you cut off your
knowing. And if you cut off your knowing, you cut off your awareness and your presence, which is who and what you are. You can’t be you!” Simone Milasas
Are you willing to receive money?
Simone had trouble taking money from her Father. But finally accepted. He was genuinely happy to give it to her. And with his
But MPM grew up in a transactional family dynamic. And, taking money was like taking on debt. Even if the loan was repaid. The matter would be brought up to tie you once again to a toxic bargain. So it is hard for MPM to take money from people.
Alternatively, Anette is finding it hard to raise her prices in her business. “I like to avoid the whole thing and escape”, Anette said. “Things that I offer are valuable and benefitting and contributing to people”, she continued.
She feels her intuitive healing skills come easy to her. “It’s easy what I do so I shouldn’t charge for it. If it’s hard then it’s okay to charge a lot of money”, she said. But she feels like she bought into “some kind of lie.” And, “If it’s hard then it’s worth something then if it’s easy then it’s not worth nothing?”, Anette finished.
Undoing the Program
Both Anette and MPM have done a lot of undoing of “the program” conditioned in childhood. Believing untrue stories took its toll on our self
However, MPM broke down a lot of her programming through an ego death drinking Ayahuasca. Prior to drinking the South American plant medicine, MPM never felt deserving of anything until she worked herself to the bone to earn it. “So you received the truth about you. See the lie of it and it no longer has power over you”,
MPM had been resistant to facing her “story”. But it was through Ayahuasca that she understood the ego. And the “story” it tells to keep you from the truth of yourself. Today, there are remnants remaining. However, the fairy tale that kept her from enjoying herself, her life, and creations no longer play, looping in her mind.
The Ayahuasca ego death experience for anyone who has not experienced it can be a harrowing journey. But MPM had tried many traditional methods to deal with depression. And Ayahuasca was her
And at the end of the psychedelic experience, MPM felt the most incredible love she had ever received. Love so deeply received that was unmatched by anyone or anything. After the Ayahuasca ceremony, she felt deserving of receiving and knew feelings of unworthiness were unwarranted.
Ayahuasca changed MPM’s life for the better. “Good to have that awareness of that uncomfortable feeling. You can’t deal with it if you don’t acknowledge it”, MPM said.
Similarly, Anette knew she had limited herself as well. But through learning to receive she has realized, “It’s a choice. Do I hang on to this? Does it serve me to believe in this? And, if not I choose something different.”
“You have to be willing to receive money from people you admire and from people you don’t like.” Simone Milasas
Deleting the Program
Being aware of not being able to receive has taught Anette and MPM a lot. Lifting a great weight from their shoulders. This discussion of Simone Milasas’ book, The Joy of Business has had a profound effect on feelings that have resurfaced. The result of untrue stories reinforced by caregivers in childhood and, later ourselves as adults.
Now, MPM reminds herself she deserves to be here when she is outside her her comfort zone setting her goals. And has learned to set better boundaries when dealing with people in personal and professional relationships.
Learning to receive has helped to deal with feelings of unworthiness and being at odds with ourselves. A perspective that has diminished and compromised our spirits. MPM and Anette understand that we don’t have to succumb to the limitations we impose on ourselves and others. Nor are we willing to receive the energy that we have been comfortable with. Why? We know we weren’t our true selves and receiving what we deserved.
Learning to Receive from Animals
It’s difficult being open to receiving and vulnerable to accepting the downturns. But it’s part of being open to the exchange in energy. For example, Anette asked, “Do you receive from animals?”
“Yes!”, MPM exclaimed. She adores her cats, Diablo and Violet. And, finds it’s easy to receive their love. MPM relates to animals more than people. “They are so loving. There is no agenda with animals especially cats. They do what they want to do”, MPM stated.
“And they don’t judge you”, Anette added. “When you pet your cat you don’t feel like you’re giving, you feel like you’re receiving”, Anette said. She believes humans would benefit from this optimal way of sharing and receiving energy. It might restore the imbalance to a genuine, reciprocal exchange.
Delete, delete, delete!
And, if you don’t have a pet to feel that exchange of energy in learning to receive! Anette has a favorite expression she uses throughout some of our discussions, “Delete, delete, delete all your programs!”
Self-discipline and inquiry help disseminate the truth from untruths the ego creates to keep us from our true selves. “All the energy that we are bringing up now can we let it go? Energetically and unconsciously?”, Anette asked. “Yes, I can! It’s difficult at times to be vulnerable. This willingness to receive is work in progress”, MPM said. “But I know I am willing to receive more than I thought I deserved.”
“When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.” Maya Angelou
Thank you Anette Stjarnhjarta. Looking forward to our continuing discussion of Simone Milasas’ book The Joy of Business. Stayed tuned for Chapter 3’s topic – Removing Judgement